I Heart My Little A-Holes

A bunch of holy-crap moments no one ever told you about parenting
Author: Karen Alpert
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0062341618
Category: Humor
Page: 304
View: 1085
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Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

I Heart My Little A-Holes


Author: Karen Alpert
Publisher: N.A
ISBN: 9780615873381
Category: Motherhood
Page: 272
View: 4145
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Karen Alpert, writer of the blog Baby Sideburns, shares funny stories and pictures from her experiences raising her young son and daughter.

Confessions of a Scary Mommy

An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, The Bad, and the Scary
Author: Jill Smokler
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1451673779
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 168
View: 8108
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An irreverent assessment of the dark side of parenting combines original essays and anonymous confessions as posted on the ScaryMommy.com site to encourage women to embrace their own parenting approaches without competing with other moms who only seem to have everything under control.

I Want My Epidural Back

Adventures in Mediocre Parenting
Author: Karen Alpert
Publisher: William Morrow
ISBN: 9780062427083
Category: Humor
Page: 320
View: 6333
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Now that I’m a mom, I know the most painful part isn’t getting something giant through your hooha. It’s having a real live child. If you are the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo’s organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not read this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not read this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino’s pizza on speed dial, do not read this book. But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won’t put their shoes on and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonald’s for a special treat but really it’s because you opened up your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely read this book. I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents. Karen Alpert’s honest but hilarious observations, stories, quips and pictures will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet if you’re smart and read it there.

Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures


Author: Amber Dusick
Publisher: Harlequin
ISBN: 1460309863
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 224
View: 1164
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"The drawings aren't very good, Mama." —Crappy Boy, age 5 Of course you love being a parent. But sometimes, it just sucks. I know. I'm Amber Dusick and I started my blog Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures because I needed a place to vent about the funny (and frustrating) day-to-day things that happened to me as a parent. Turns out, poop is hilarious! At least when you're not the one wiping it up. This book won't make your frustrating moments any less crappy. But these stories about my Crappy Baby, Crappy Boy and my husband, Crappy Papa, will hopefully make you laugh. Because you're not alone. And sometimes the crappiest moments make the best memories. Parenting is wonderful! And also, well, you know.

I Just Want to Pee Alone


Author: Jen People I Want to Punch in the Throat
Publisher: Throat_punch Books
ISBN: 9780988408036
Category: Child rearing
Page: 185
View: 7664
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Subtitle on cover: A collection of hilarious essays about motherhood.

The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting


Author: Ilana Wiles
Publisher: Abrams
ISBN: 1613123280
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 224
View: 2114
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Ilana Wiles is not a good mother. She’s not a bad mother either. Like most of us, she’s normal. From the creator of the wildly popular blog Mommy Shorts comes Ilana Wiles’s first humor book on remarkably average parenting. If you want solid advice about raising kids, this book is not for you. If you want to wallow in your own misery about how having kids is AWFUL, this book is not for you. This book pays homage to the every-parent and suggests that they are the people having the best child-rearing experience of all. Using Wiles’s signature infographics and photographs to illustrate her personal and hilarious essays on motherhood, the book is an honest guide that celebrates the fun of being a mom.

This Is Ridiculous This Is Amazing

Parenthood in 71 Lists
Author: Jason Good
Publisher: Chronicle Books
ISBN: 1452135649
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 144
View: 6928
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Blogging sensation and family man Jason Good delivers a laugh-out-loud reminder that everything is easier and more fun when approached with a sense of humor—especially parenting. Each list captures a perfect (or perfectly terrible) aspect of parenthood while wholeheartedly embracing every moment: "You Deserve a Break" offers ideas for downtime, such as giving blood and untangling cords, while "Self-Help from a Three-Year-Old" collects such wisdom as "If you fall down, stay down. Someone will pick you up eventually." Sweet, sincere, and oh-so-true, this is the ideal gift for parents who could use a laugh. And isn't that every single one of them?

Paper Towns


Author: John Green
Publisher: A&C Black
ISBN: 140884818X
Category: Bildungsromans
Page: 305
View: 2356
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Special edition slipcase edition of John Green's Paper Towns, with pop-up paper town. From the bestselling author of The Fault in our Stars. Quentin Jacobsen has always loved Margo Roth Spiegelman, for Margo (and her adventures) are the stuff of legend at their high school. So when she one day climbs through his window and summons him on an all-night road trip of revenge he cannot help but follow. But the next day Margo doesn't come to school and a week later she is still missing. Q soon learns that there are clues in her disappearance . . . and they are for him. But as he gets deeper into the mystery - culminating in another awesome road trip across America - he becomes less sure of who and what he is looking for. Masterfully written by John Green, this is a thoughtful, insightful and hilarious coming-of-age story.

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian


Author: Sherman Alexie
Publisher: Random House
ISBN: 1448188563
Category: Juvenile Fiction
Page: 272
View: 4685
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An all-new edition of the tragicomic smash hit which stormed the New York Times bestseller charts, now featuring an introduction from Markus Zusak. In his first book for young adults, Sherman Alexie tells the story of Junior, a budding cartoonist who leaves his school on the Spokane Indian Reservation to attend an all-white high school. This heartbreaking, funny, and beautifully written tale, featuring poignant drawings that reflect the character's art, is based on the author's own experiences. It chronicles contemporary adolescence as seen through the eyes of one Native American boy. 'Excellent in every way' Neil Gaiman Illustrated in a contemporary cartoon style by Ellen Forney.

Change of Heart

A Novel
Author: Jodi Picoult
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 9781416565604
Category: Fiction
Page: 352
View: 6273
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The acclaimed #1 New York Times bestselling author presents a spellbinding tale of a mother's tragic loss and one man's last chance at gaining salvation. Can we save ourselves, or do we rely on others to do it? Is what we believe always the truth? One moment June Nealon was happily looking forward to years full of laughter and adventure with her family, and the next, she was staring into a future that was as empty as her heart. Now her life is a waiting game. Waiting for time to heal her wounds, waiting for justice. In short, waiting for a miracle to happen. For Shay Bourne, life holds no more surprises. The world has given him nothing, and he has nothing to offer the world. In a heartbeat, though, something happens that changes everything for him. Now, he has one last chance for salvation, and it lies with June's eleven-year-old daughter, Claire. But between Shay and Claire stretches an ocean of bitter regrets, past crimes, and the rage of a mother who has lost her child. Would you give up your vengeance against someone you hate if it meant saving someone you love? Would you want your dreams to come true if it meant granting your enemy's dying wish? Once again, Jodi Picoult mesmerizes and enthralls readers with this story of redemption, justice, and love.

The Honest Toddler

A Child's Guide to Parenting
Author: Bunmi Laditan
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1476733724
Category: Humor
Page: 256
View: 8770
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As seen on Good Morning America, the irreverent, bracingly honest, and “awfully funny” (The Boston Globe) satirical parenting guide from the Internet’s most infamous tot, whose unchecked sense of entitlement and undeniable charm have captivated hundreds of thousands of fans. Are you the confused parent of a toddler? Are you constantly disappointing the 2T in your life? Are you tired, stressed out, and looking for relief? I can’t help you with that last one, but if you want to become an A+ servant to your small child, this book is for you. Who better to teach you about toddlers than another toddler? In this book you’ll learn: • How time-outs make you look like a fool • Why potty training is not only unnecessary but unrealistic for children under eighteen • Why toddler beds are OUT and letting your child sleep on the diagonal in your bed is IN • The best way to apologize to your toddler for all of those Pinterest casseroles • That when you love someone, you accept them as they are, pants or no pants The hard-hitting knowledge in The Honest Toddler will save you thousands of dollars in unnecessary whole grains and toothbrushes. Happy reading. You’re doing the right thing. For once.

Handle with Care

A Novel
Author: Jodi Picoult
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1439156301
Category: Fiction
Page: 496
View: 1149
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When Willow is born with severe osteogenesis imperfecta, her parents are devastated—she will suffer hundreds of broken bones as she grows, a lifetime of pain. In this provocative story from the #1 New York Times bestselling author, “Picoult writes with unassuming brilliance” (Stephen King). Every expectant parent will tell you that they don’t want a perfect baby, just a healthy one. Charlotte and Sean O’Keefe would have asked for a healthy baby, too, if they’d been given the choice. Instead, their lives are made up of sleepless nights, mounting bills, the pitying stares of “luckier” parents, and maybe worst of all, the what-ifs. What if their child had been born healthy? But it’s all worth it because Willow is, funny as it seems, perfect. She’s smart as a whip, on her way to being as pretty as her mother, kind, brave, and for a five-year-old an unexpectedly deep source of wisdom. Willow is Willow, in sickness and in health. Everything changes, though, after a series of events forces Charlotte and her husband to confront the most serious what-ifs of all. What if Charlotte had known earlier of Willow’s illness? What if things could have been different? What if their beloved Willow had never been born? To do Willow justice, Charlotte must ask herself these questions and one more. What constitutes a valuable life? Emotionally riveting and profoundly moving, Handle with Care is an unforgettable novel about the fragility of life and the lengths we will go to protect it.

Parenting Is Easy

You're Probably Just Doing It Wrong
Author: Sara Given
Publisher: Workman Publishing
ISBN: 0761185658
Category: Humor
Page: 176
View: 2072
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Imagine a world where pregnant women are always upbeat and glowing, newborns sleep on cue, toddlers love to have their teeth brushed, and teenagers gaze adoringly at their parents. Impossible, you say? Not according to advertisers who flood the web with stock photos of perfect parents and children. They’d have you believe that parenting is a piece of cake, and every significant moment of family life takes place on a spotless white couch. So when Sara Given, a real mother of a real toddler, saw a picture of a radiant new mother in a cute little sundress breastfeeding her newborn in the middle of a golf course, she finally had enough. She launched a Tumblr, which is now visited by tens of thousands of new parents looking for a daily pick-me-up. Because what better way is there to deal with the stress and strain of being a new parent than laughter? The perfect gift of cheer and solidarity, Parenting Is Easy exploits the disconnect between these preposterous photos and what happens in real life, and makes every reader laugh out loud—and feel better, too, because we’re in on the joke.

Stuff I Forgot to Tell My Daughter


Author: Michèle A'Court
Publisher: N.A
ISBN: 9781775540519
Category: Motherhood
Page: 336
View: 5515
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Adapted from the author's sell out solo standup show, this is a candid and very funny account of being the mother of a daughter, of how we are sometimes so busy parenting we forget how to be a person, and why learning how to store ginger is as important as knowing the history of feminism.

Kids Are Turds

Brutally Honest Humor for the Pooped-Out Parent
Author: Jenny Schoberl
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.
ISBN: 1510704981
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 204
View: 4585
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When do you know for sure that you’ve become a parent? For Jenny Schoberl, it wasn’t when a human fell out of her lady parts or the first time her baby said “Mama.” It was when she found herself, a grown woman, hiding in the bathroom to eat a candy bar, just so she didn’t have to share. Parenthood changes people’s lives in horrifying and inevitable ways. No matter how hard you resist, you soon find yourself being that parent far too often to deny it. It won’t be long before mom jeans and minivans are calling your name. Discussing bowel movements over dinner? Guilty. Peeing with an audience? Check. Grocery shopping alone? Sounds like a tropical vacation! Watching cartoons hours after the kids have gone to bed? Now your only hobby! What do you do when motherhood turns you into someone you hardly recognize? When you open your mouth and, holy hell, your mother comes out? Kids Are Turds proves that you don’t need to be Super-Mom to be a “good” mom (whatever that is), but you absolutely do need a sense of humor to get through the hard days. Either that, or you can give in, yank up your mom jeans, and rock a mile-long camel toe. So for the love of retinas everywhere, be strong!

The Glass Castle

A Memoir
Author: Jeannette Walls
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1439156964
Category: Biography & Autobiography
Page: 288
View: 7753
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The child of an alcoholic father and an eccentric artist mother discusses her family's nomadic upbringing, during which she and her siblings fended for themselves while their parents outmaneuvered bill collectors and the authorities.

I'm Sorry...Love, Your Husband

Honest, Hilarious Stories From a Father of Three Who Made All the Mistakes (and Made Up for Them)
Author: Clint Edwards
Publisher: N.A
ISBN: 1624145329
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 288
View: 448
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Clint Edwards's parenting tips include: 1.You don't have to give your kid a bath all the time, just wipe them down from time to time. 2. If you find a long lost sippy cup, don't open it. Just throw it away, trust me . 3. Getting a sitter so you can go to the store alone is worth every damn penny. With stinging wit, laugh-out-loud humor and brutal honesty, Clint brings to light what every parent and spouse eventually learns but refuses to say out loud to each other. His essays include "All the Things I Never Should Have Said to My Pregnant Wife," "Just Because I Get Up In the Night Doesn't Mean I Deserve Praise" and "Contrary to My Original Assumption, You Can Have a Favorite Child." His essays will have parents everywhere shaking their heads "yes." Clint's blog, No Idea What I am Doing, has over 144,000 Facebook likes, and he writes for huge outlets like Scary Mommy, Babble, the New York Times and has been featured on Good Morning America . He has three children, aged 2, 7 and 10.

Ketchup Is a Vegetable

And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves
Author: Robin O'Bryant
Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin
ISBN: 1466857196
Category: Humor
Page: 240
View: 8575
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If you don't have anything nice to say about motherhood, then... read this book. Robin O'Bryant offers a no holds barred look at the day to day life of being a mother to three, running a household and the everyday monotony of parenting. It's not always pretty but it's real. Whether she's stuffing cabbage in her bra... dealing with defiant yet determined daughters... yelling at the F.B.I... or explaining the birds and the bees to her preschooler... you're sure to find dozens of humorous and relatable situations. From the creator of Robin's Chicks, one of the South's most popular blogs on motherhood, misunderstandings and musings, comes a collection of essays that will not only make you laugh and cry, but realize that you're not alone in your journey. Sit back and relax, pour yourself some "mommy juice," throw a fresh diaper on your baby and deadbolt the bedroom door to keep your kids out... because once you start reading you'll be too busy wiping away tears of laughter to wipe anybody's butt.